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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192544">An Interesting Discovery</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASingleStripedSock/pseuds/ASingleStripedSock'>ASingleStripedSock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Creepypasta - Fandom, EverymanHYBRID, Homestuck, Slenderverse - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Almost Hooking Up, Black Romance, CreepyPasta Mansion, Cringe culture is dead folks, Flirting, Hickies, Horn Stimulation, Insults, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Piercings, Red Romance, Sexuality Crisis, They go to Denny’s, Troll Anatomy, Troll Insults, Troll Noises, Troll terminology, crackshipping, cursing, quadrants</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:54:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24192544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASingleStripedSock/pseuds/ASingleStripedSock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically the Creepypastas put out an ad to get Jeff a “committed, headstrong” girlfriend so he stops bringing home a different girl every night and keeping them awake, but Ben thinks it would be funny to change the ad to say they’re looking for guys instead of girls. But, what started out as a joke ends up being a little too effective.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff the Killer/Karkat Vantas, Slenderman/HABIT</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>An Interesting Discovery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Every once in a while something stupid comes to my mind and I can’t get it out of my head until I share it with the world. This is one of those things. If you actually clicked on this, I applaud you for even humoring what an insanely idiotic idea this is. And I hope you enjoy the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Karkat Vantas looked at the map he was given a second time, then a third, as he trudged through the woods.</p><p>“DOES THIS FOREST EVER FUCKING END?” he demanded to no one, since it seemed no one was around for miles. Then, it dawned on him.</p><p>“THOSE FUCKERS DUPED ME,” he growled. “I’D EXPECT THIS FROM CAPTOR BUT KANAYA? I GUESS NOBODY’S IMMUNE TO THE EVER-SEDUCTIVE CALL OF MAKING KARKAT SUFFER!”</p><p>Karkat threw the map on the ground of this alien planet he’d been sent to and started to stomp on it, before realizing he kind of needed that to get out of here. As he bent down to pick it up, he paused, a low static sound buzzing in his ears. He quickly snatched up the map, not even getting the chance to look at it before being met with the tallest thing he had ever seen. It was taller than a drone, maybe even taller than the Condesce, and it had no face to speak of. Although he had no frame of reference to judge the appearance of this thing by, he felt fear bubbling up in his abdominal sausages anyway.</p><p>“...UHH, ARE YOU, WHO I’M LOOKING FOR?” Karkat wasn’t the superstitious nor spiritual type, but he prayed to any powers that may be out there that the answer was no.</p><p>The creature didn’t speak right away, which made sense, because it had no mouth. Karkat internally smacked himself on the head for even trying to communicate with it. He really was a-</p><p>“No, but you may be who I am looking for.”</p><p>A voice like nothing he’d ever heard before rattled his think pan, as if it were coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. Joke or not, he was really starting to regret coming here.</p><p>That feeling only got stronger as Karkat was suddenly lifted up into the air by a black tendril coming out of the thing’s back and hooking onto the back of his sweater.</p><p>“HEY, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK-“ He was cut off by yet another tendril clamping over his mouth.</p><p>“I do not tolerate that kind of language on my property.” The thing sighed, somehow, and then continued. “...You’ll be perfect for him.”</p><p>The thing took barely took five long strides before a large, old-looking building came into view.</p><p>Karkat mildly clawed at the collar of his sweater so that it wasn’t choking him so much, muttering from behind the strange creature’s dark extremity. His captor paid him no mind, turning the handle and ducking in through the door of the building.</p><p>Karkat was not at all prepared for what awaited him inside: around a dozen new creatures, varying widely in size and appearance; some talked amongst themselves, but most of their lookstubs were on him.</p><p>One with greasy brown hair and a cap on was the first to burst out laughing, in a gruff, cruel sort of way that kind of made Karkat want to shrink into his sweater. Then, a young girl with strange, bulging lookstubs and wearing rain boots started laughing too, followed by a boy wearing goggles and something covering his talk blaster that slightly muffled his voice. A boy who was probably just a little shorter than him paused the game he was playing on the tv and looked at him with black lookstubs, before grinning maliciously.</p><p>“Babe, what the hell is that thing?” the first one called out, and Karkat tried to yell something back to no avail.</p><p>“No way, Slendy, did you steal one of Zalgo’s imps??” The girl with bulging lookstubs questioned to the one who was still holding him in the air for all to see. She ran up and tried to touch him, but ‘Slendy’ lifted him up out of her reach just in time. She continued to grab in his direction as the short boy spoke up.</p><p>“Nah guys, I think it’s a Homestuck.”</p><p>Karkat didn’t even know what that meant. It was probably some sort of slur on this planet.</p><p>“I don’t know what ‘it’ is but I believe Jeffrey will find it...satisfactory.” Slendy said the last word in a tone dripping with disgust, which made Karkat even more confused and worried.</p><p>A tall girl with no face to speak of either who had previously been reading on the zigzag incline looked up at Karkat critically, before stating, “Dad, I’m fairly sure that’s a boy.”</p><p>Now he was even more confused. Was the thing’s name Slendy or Dad? What kind of name was Dad?</p><p>“I do not care what it calls itself, it might as well be a pillow with how Jeffrey plans on treating it.” Slendy/Dad replied.</p><p>“He’s right, I think I saw him hump the arm of the couch once,” someone in what looked like a blue mask added, as everyone sitting on the couch scooted a little further inward.</p><p>Karkat protested from behind the tendril.</p><p>“Well how about we bring him out and see what he thinks?” the grinning boy from before suggested.</p><p>“Yes, go ahead,” Slendy/Dad permitted with a wave of his huge, white hand.</p><p>“Frick yeah.” The boy excitedly jumped up and ran down a hallway, and before long, returned with who must have been ’Jeffrey’ in tow.</p><p>“FINALLY, you guys left me locked in there so long I was about to-“</p><p>Karkat’s lookstubs met the wide, white ones of Jeffrey right as he was freed from the grasp of Slendy/Dad. Jeffrey was quite a bit taller than him, and his skin was white as paper. He had these weird black circles around his lookstubs and a wide smile that looked like it had been messily cut into his face. He was truly the crown jewel of this psycho circus.</p><p>“WHAT. THE. FUCK,” both parties said at the same time.</p><p>“Love at first sight,” the girl with bulging lookstubs said in a dreamy voice.</p><p>There was only a second of silence before Karkat and Jeffrey both launched into simultaneous tirades, Jeffrey gesturing at Karkat as Karkat gestured at everyone else in the room. Karkat barely even noticed Slendy/Dad sink into a large armchair with another deep sigh, placing his hand on his forehead. All the while, the boy who seemed to have orchestrated the whole thing laid on the floor laughing triumphantly. The girl on the zigzag incline tried to get them to settle down, but to no avail. They were too far gone. So, at a practically instantaneous speed, Karkat and Jeffrey were thrown straight out the door and it was shut and locked behind them.</p><p>Karkat winced, standing up and dusting off his behind.</p><p>Jeffrey snickered from the ground, now laying on his back with his hands behind his head. “First time getting thrown on your ass huh? You get used to it.”</p><p>“UH HUH, YEAH. PEACHY.” Karkat huffed, crossing his arms.</p><p>“Awwww, does wittle baby want his mommaaaa?” Jeffrey cooed as he sat back upright.</p><p>That, of course, just made Karkat angrier. “OKAY, FUCKFACE. I KNOW WHAT YOUR DEAL IS. YOU THINK YOU’RE REAL HOT SHIT, DON’T YOU? I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND I CAN ALREADY TELL YOU’RE A DRIED UP NOOK RAG. BUT GET THIS! MY NAME’S KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS AND I BOW TO NOBODY! AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A BABY OR A MOMMA IS. SO SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND GET OFF YOUR HIGH HOOFBEAST.”</p><p>Jeffrey sat there in silence for a couple seconds, as Karkat caught his breath while glaring at him expectantly.</p><p>“...Pffff, what the fuck is a hoofbeast?” he finally asked through snickers.</p><p>Karkat expelled a groan, sagging into a slouch.</p><p>“Dude, are you like an alien or something?” Jeffrey tousled his own hair casually while looking up at him with that permanent smirk on his face.</p><p>Karkat widened his lookstubs and threw his arms out. “WOOOOW, YOU CRACKED THE CODE, MR. DETECTIVE! GREAT FUCKING JOB. YOU WIN A GOLD STAR.” He then licked his thumb and pressed it to Jeffrey’s forehead forcefully, causing him to momentarily sway backwards.</p><p>“Eww, I don’t want your alien spit on me!” Jeffrey stood up, waving Karkat’s hands away.</p><p>“WHATEVER, WISE GUY. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?”</p><p>Jeffrey shrugged. “I dunno. I’m kinda hungry from being locked in my room all day.”</p><p>Karkat began to walk away from the building, assuming he would follow. “GREAT, I GET TO SAMPLE SOME OF YOUR PLANET’S FINE CUISINE. I’M SURE IT’LL BE JUST DIVINE.”</p><p>Sure enough, the other man caught up quickly on his significantly longer fronds. “So like, what’s your planet like? Do you like, pee out your eyes or something?”</p><p>Karkat crossed his arms and looked up at him as they walked. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I’M ALMOST POSITIVE THE ANSWER IS NO.”</p><p>“Why do you talk like that? Is that an alien thing too?”</p><p>“NO, I TALK LIKE THIS TO ASSERT MY DOMINANCE.”</p><p>Jeffrey snickered at that. “Good luck with that, bud.”</p><p>They walked in silence for a short while, before Karkat spoke up again. “I’M A TROLL. MY PLANET’S CALLED ALTERNIA. WE’RE SEPARATED INTO CASTES BASED ON THE COLOR OF OUR BLOOD AND RULED BY A TYRRANICAL OVERLORD WHO HAS US KILLED IF WE STEP OUT OF LINE. THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?”</p><p>Jeffrey looked away awkwardly. “That sounds uh, not cool.”</p><p>“YEAH, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT’S NOT FUCKING COOL. ESPECIALLY FOR ME. I’M AN OUTCAST IN MY SOCIETY. I HAVE TO LIVE OFF THE GRID BECAUSE IF THE IMPERIAL DRONES FIND ME,..” he casually made a motion across his chug column with his thumb.</p><p>Jeffrey gave him a tight-lipped look of mild disbelief. “What’d you do?”</p><p>Karkat’s lookstubs were locked straight ahead, but he wasn’t really looking at anything. “I WAS BORN.”</p><p>They were quiet.</p><p>“...Well uh, I kill people, so,” Jeffrey piped up.</p><p>Karkat scoffed. “SO?”</p><p>“I mean, you’re not really, supposed to do that here. But I do what I want.” Jeffrey’s tone began to return to its original cockiness.</p><p>“OOH, JEFFREY THE BADASS, DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE RULES EVERYBODY, WATCH OUT!” Karkat wiggled his hands a bit for emphasis.</p><p>“Dude, ew. Call me Jeff.”</p><p>Karkat gave him a look. “JEFF? WHAT THE SHIT IS UP WITH NAMES AROUND HERE?”</p><p>“Hah, says Carrot Vagtits or whatever.”</p><p>“KARKAT. VANTAS.”</p><p>“Rrright.”</p><p>They finally exited the forest, and Karkat looked around at the strange square buildings as they walked past them.</p><p>“WHAT’S THAT?” he asked as they passed by rows upon rows of stone blocks sticking out of the ground. They had writing on them, but he couldn’t read it, obviously.</p><p>“That’s what I call my Victim Library.”</p><p>“SO YOU PUT THE PEOPLE YOU KILL UNDER THE GROUND? WHY?”</p><p>“Heh, sometimes. When I don’t eat them. It helps me track my progress.”</p><p>Karkat looked around a little more, until they ended up in front of a building that seemed to be one of the few that were open. “WHAT’S THIS?”</p><p>“This, my good bitch, is Denny’s,” Jeff responded, walking in the door.</p><p>Karkat hesitated, wondering what the people inside would think of his appearance. But he realized that next to Jeff, he probably looked like any other patron. With that, he scampered in after him.</p><p>They were seated in a booth, and Karkat tried to determine what on Alternia he was smelling as Jeff ordered them something called ‘root beer’. “SO WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF NUTRITION SUPPLIER?”</p><p>Jeff leaned forward with his elbows on the not-so-clean table. “If that’s what you call a restaurant, then yeah.”</p><p>Karkat narrowed his lookstubs at him quizzically. “...SO YOU DECIDED TO GO ON A ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY RITUAL WITH ME AFTER ALL.”</p><p>Jeff suddenly leaned back, clearly uncomfortable. “What? No, I’m not gay dude. I’m just hungry. And stop using those big words, it hurts my brain.”</p><p>“YOU MEAN YOUR THINK PAN?”</p><p>“Yeah sure, whatever.”</p><p>Karkat looked him over silently, before Jeff’s lookstubs met his and he looked even more uncomfortable.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“...WHAT ARE YOU?”</p><p>“...A human?”</p><p>Despite not knowing what a human was, Karkat looked unconvinced. “OKAY, THEN WHAT’S THAT OVER THERE?” He pointed to a very tired-looking employee sweeping the floor.</p><p>“That’s a human too,” Jeff replied.</p><p>“NO WAY. YOU LOOK COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.”</p><p>Jeff visibly relaxed and then chuckled in a way that made Karkat’s digestion bladder tighten.“...That’s because I made myself beautiful.”</p><p>Karkat was almost afraid to ask. “...HOW?”</p><p>Almost too quickly, Jeff sat up and pulled out a large meal block knife. It was covered in the dark red bloodstains of many years of killing, matching his hoodie. Jeff traced the gashes on his cheeks with the knife happily. “And when you look this good, who wouldn’t burn their eyelids off with their mom’s crème brûlée torch?”</p><p>Karkat looked on in horror, mouth hanging open. “...HOLY SHIT DUDE. YOU’RE FUCKED.”</p><p>“Nah, I’m usually the one doing the fucking,” Jeff replied, leaning back with a smirk.</p><p>Karkat’s face lit up in candy red right as the waitress came back with their drinks. Without thinking, he grabbed the full glass and took a couple large swallows in an attempt to cool his face, and Jeff couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p>“BLUH, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS STUFF?”</p><p>“It’s root beer, stupid,” Jeff replied as he then ordered himself something called pancakes and Karkat something called a crepe.</p><p>Karkat just crossed his arms, looking away from the human killer.</p><p>“Awww, I’m sorry I called you stupid,” Jeff said facetiously. “Anyway, you seem like a crepe kinda guy. What kind of food do you have on your alien planet?”</p><p>“...MOSTLY STUFF MADE FROM OUR CULLED OFFSPRING,” Karkat muttered.</p><p>“Does culled mean like, killed?”</p><p>Karkat grunted in frustration. “YES! AND YOU’RE THE ONE CALLING ME STUPID. THE WORDS SOUND SO SIMILAR.”</p><p>“Okay okay, chill out little guy. Can I touch your horns?” Quickly Jeff leaned forward to grab one of them, but Karkat swerved out of the way while smacking his hand down.</p><p>“WHAT THE FUCK? NO! THOSE ARE SENSITIVE!”</p><p>Jeff grinned, sticking his tongue out. “Ohhh, I see.”</p><p>“YEAH, FUCKING, GOOD.” Karkat resumed his previous position, only this time with his shoulders raised uncomfortably.</p><p>They were silent for nearly two minutes, occasionally making lookstub contact, before Jeff made a mad leap across the table toward’s Karkat’s horns. He pressed himself back against the booth as far as he could, but it was too late; the human’s cold, calloused hand was touching his horn and it felt oh so good. Karkat’s horns hadn’t been touched by anyone besides himself in a very long time, and his whole body went stiff and he closed his eyes as the sensation stalled his nervous system. He knew his face was covered in blush as he made a pleasured trilling sound.</p><p>“Whoa.” Jeff removed his hand, and Karkat opened his eyes to notice he was blushing too. “What was that?”</p><p>“IT WAS ME SAYING FUCK YOU IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, BULGE BITER,” Karkat seethed, face still bright red.</p><p>“Okay, sorry, didn’t know you had tiny dicks on the top of your head. Fuck.” Jeff put his hands up defensively.</p><p>“YEAH, YOU WISH YOU KNEW ALL THE INTRICACIES OF TROLL MATING RITUALS DON’T YOU, PERV,” Karkat hissed.</p><p>“I meeeean,..”</p><p>“PSH. FAT CHANCE. WHEN’S OUR FUCKING FOOD COMING?”</p><p>“I dunno,” Jeff replied as he nonchalantly kicked Karkat’s nub under the table.</p><p>Karkat narrowed his lookstubs at him. “DO THAT AGAIN AND I’LL STOMP YOUR NUB SO HARD YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO FEEL IT.”</p><p>Jeff snickered. “You mean my foot?”</p><p>Karkat sighed. “WE COME FROM DIFFERENT PLANETS, WE HAVE DIFFERENT WORDS. GET OVER IT.”</p><p>Jeff put his chin in his hand, letting his tangled black hair drape over the table. “How can you speak English anyway?”</p><p>Karkat threw his hands in the air. “LIKE I KNOW!”</p><p>Jeff looked slightly amused. “You scream a lot.”</p><p>“YEAH, I KNOW. IT’S KIND OF MY THING.”</p><p>Finally, their food came.</p><p>“OH. THOSE ARE JUST GRUBCAKES,” he said, looking at Jeff’s plate.</p><p>“Yeah sure,” Jeff replied as he poured a copious amount of boiled tree blood over his food.</p><p>Karkat’s food kind of looked like grubcakes, folded over with some kind of grubsauce in the middle and fruit on top. “HUH.”</p><p>“Try it,” Jeff said, talk blaster already full.</p><p>Karkat took a bite, looking away from Jeff and chewing shyly.</p><p>“How is it, Karkles?”</p><p>Karkat turned to glare at him, mouth full as well. “WHAT THE FUCK. NOW I’M JUST GETTING MIXED SIGNALS.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jeff took a swig of his drink.</p><p>“I REALLY HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU HUH? ARE WE BEING PITCH OR FLUSHED RIGHT NOW?”</p><p>“Dude. I don’t know what that means.”</p><p>Karkat let out a deep sigh and swallowed, before launching into a lengthy explanation about troll romantic quadrants, which he could tell Jeff was only like, a fourth listening to. By the time he was done, they had both eaten the majority of their food. “SO, WHICH THE FUCK IS IT, BOZO?”</p><p>“Uh, wellll, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but I’m not gayyyy so. Neither,” Jeff answered, not looking at him.</p><p>Karkat groaned. “I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT I DON’T KNOW YOUR DUMBASS HUMAN TERMINOLOGY. BUT IF GAY MEANS YOU’RE FLIRTING WITH ME, THEN YES. YOU ARE.”</p><p>Jeff slammed his fist on the table, knife still in his hand. “I like pussy, okay?” he insisted in almost a whisper.</p><p>Karkat looked at him with a deadpan expression. “ALIEN-FRIENDLY LANGUAGE, PLEASE.”</p><p>“I don’t. Like. Dudes,” Jeff finally stated angrily.</p><p>There was a pause, before it was Karkat’s turn to snicker. Then it turned into a laugh, then an all-out guffaw. Jeff was thoroughly blushing by that time.</p><p>“YOU EXPECT ME TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT? JEFF. YOU JUST FUCKING FONDLED MY H-“</p><p>“DUDE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP,” Jeff, still in a whisper, interrupted, leaning forward. “I’ve hooked up with every girl under 30 that works here, okay?”</p><p>“OHH, IS SAME-GENDER ATTRACTION SOME SORT OF TABOO IN YOUR PRIMITIVE SOCIETY? THAT’S FUCKING PATHETIC. I WOULD LAUGH IF I DIDN’T FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU.”</p><p>Jeff rolled his lookstubs before standing up and grabbing Karkat by the wrist. In a moment, he was lurched out of his seat and being dragged towards the door.</p><p>“Okay, we’re getting out of here,” Jeff declared.</p><p>“WHAT, WE’RE NOT GOING TO PAY? OH, I GUESS YOU’VE ALREADY PAID THEM ENOUGH BY PUTTING YOUR NASTY HUMAN GENITALS IN WHATEVER ORIFICES THEY MAY HAVE!” Karkat said way too loudly as they exited.</p><p>Jeff drug him around the side of the Denny’s and shoved him against the wall, causing him to choke back a gasp. “I’m gonna prove to you I’m not gay.”</p><p>“OH, I THINK IT’S-“</p><p>“One,”</p><p>“-A LITTLE TOO LATE-“</p><p>“Two,”</p><p>“-FOR THAT, AFTER THAT DISPLAY WITH MY HORNS-“</p><p>All the while, Jeff was facing the ground as if psyching himself up for something, but Karkat wasn’t really paying enough attention to notice. “Three.”</p><p>All of a sudden, Karkat felt rough lips against his, and tasted something metallic along with it. He closed his eyes and kissed Jeff back roughly, growling. There was so much pent-up frustration put into the kiss from both sides, and it made Karkat’s insides explode with endorphins. After a couple seconds, Jeff retreated, looking into his lookstubs.</p><p>“Fuck,” they both muttered at once, before going back in.</p><p>This time was even more aggressive, with Jeff almost immediately shoving his tongue into his talk blaster. It was so fleshy and wet and was that a piercing? And it tasted even more like metal than his lips, and Jeff was huffing angrily into his talk blaster and it was driving him crazy. Karkat wrapped his arms around Jeff’s chug column and tangled his black painted claws in his messy, oily hair and before long Jeff was picking him up and pinning him roughly back against the wall, wrapping Karkat’s fronds around his waist.</p><p>“NOT GAY, HUH?” Karkat muttered into his talk blaster with a triumphant smirk. </p><p>Jeff chuckled slightly. “Shut up bitch.” He pinched his butt and Karkat yelped quietly, biting Jeff’s tongue in retaliation. He winced before detaching his talk blaster from Karkat’s and moving to suck on his chug column.</p><p>“GIVE ME A BRUISE SO I CAN BRAG TO MY FRIENDS,” Karkat whispered, shuddering a little and starting to breathe heavily.</p><p>Jeff just grunted, quickly beginning to use his teeth. Karkat buzzed happily, and Jeff looked up at him in annoyance. “Moan like a normal person, will you?” He said that, but it clearly wasn’t a request.</p><p>“MAKE ME, FUCKER,” Karkat snapped back challengingly.</p><p>Jeff just grinned, chomping on the sensitive skin with his dull teeth. Karkat promptly gasped, tilting his head back and closing his lookstubs.</p><p>“FUCKING SHIT...” he groaned.</p><p>Jeff gripped onto his butt with one hand, moving the other up to feel one of his horns again. That combined with his teeth on his chug column made Karkat whimper. Jeff hummed in approval, licking his teeth marks in Karkat’s skin. His rubbing on his horn got quicker, and Karkat bit his lip.</p><p>“AHH, YOU’RE GONNA MAKE MY...”</p><p>Jeff chuckled, grinding his hips up against Karkat’s and making him gasp. “Your what? What do you have down there anyway...” Without a moment’s hesitation, he took the hand that was on Karkat’s horn and started to shove it down his pants.</p><p>“HEY!” Karkat stopped him, unwrapping his fronds from around his waist and dropping into a standing position. He batted Jeff’s hands away defensively. “YOU THINK I’M JUST GONNA GIVE THAT INFORMATION AWAY? WE PRACTICALLY JUST MET, WEIRDO. YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO TRY A LITTLE HARDER THAN THAT.”</p><p>“Oh come oooon.” Jeff put his hand on the wall above Karkat’s head and leaned down close to him, and Karkat was reminded of the covers of quite a few troll manga he had read. “What are you, a virgin?”</p><p>Karkat quickly stepped out from under him and away from the wall.</p><p>“WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?” he said, as if he knew what that meant.</p><p>Jeff walked toward him ominously, looking at him like he was a piece of candy he wanted to unwrap. “So you’re sure you don’t want me to show you how much of a NOT virgin I am..?”</p><p>Karkat walked backwards with him, smiling nervously. “YYYEP!”</p><p>Jeff frowned a bit, but still maintained his seductive demeanor. “Fine.” He started to walk away, but only after giving Karkat’s butt a light smack.</p><p>“FUCK YOU,” he muttered, trudging behind.</p><p>They walked back toward the strange communal hive in relative silence, occasionally making eye contact and smiling at each other. Once they were standing outside their destination, Karkat faced him with his hands behind his back, licking his lips nervously. “SO UM, I GUESS YOU DON’T HAVE TROLLIAN.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“IT’S A TROLL CHAT CLIENT. UHH...I GUESS I CAN GIVE YOU MY PALMHUSK NUMBER?”</p><p>“Is that like, a phone?” Jeff asked with a smirk.</p><p>“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BULGELORD, CAN YOU CALL AND TEXT SOMEONE ON A PHONE?”</p><p>Jeff laughed. “Yeah.”</p><p>“OKAY! PROBLEM SOLVED. GIVE ME YOUR HUMAN PHONE.”</p><p>Jeff reached in his back pocket and slapped a heavy black rectangle in Karkat’s hand. “Here’s my human phone.”</p><p>Karkat looked up at him blankly. “...IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE?”</p><p>Jeff scoffed in annoyance. He took back the phone, turned it on, and brought up where he could put his number in. Slowly Karkat tapped on the touch-operated screen until he had what he thought was probably his number typed in.</p><p>“...THERE.”</p><p>Jeff took it back. “Good job. How are you getting home anyway?”</p><p>“THERE’S SOME KIND OF INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL IN ONE OF THESE FUCKING TREES I’M GONNA HAVE TO FIND AGAIN. WISH ME FUCKING LUCK.”</p><p>Jeff smirked, punching him in the shoulder. “Good luck, shorty. Imagine I’m winking.”</p><p>Karkat rolled his eyes. “IT WAS A PLEASURE...DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.” That was the most affectionate response he could muster.</p><p>“See you in your nightmares~”</p><p>“UGH. GOODBYE.” And with that, he trudged into the darkness, a small smile creeping onto his face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>At some point I’ll probably do smut with these two so liiike lemme know if you want that?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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